


...as comfort

by BriMac0518



Series: The Arcana - 50 Kisses [30]
Category: The Arcana (Visual Novel)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff, Gender-Neutral Apprentice (The Arcana), M/M, Other, Re-written scene, Reader-Insert, Self-Insert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-10
Updated: 2019-12-10
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:41:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21747697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BriMac0518/pseuds/BriMac0518
Summary: Julian tells you what he wants and you want more than anything to give it to him.Re-written scene based on the premium scene from outside of Portia's cottage in Julian's route.
Relationships: Apprentice/Julian Devorak, Julian Devorak/Reader, Julian Devorak/You
Series: The Arcana - 50 Kisses [30]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1531607
Comments: 8
Kudos: 186





	...as comfort

**Author's Note:**

> Back again after a short break. Sorry about that, guys. Hectic week and then I came down with the plague because my husband brought it home and shared (Thanks, honey!), but here's a bit of Julian fluff as an apology. As always, I would love to hear what you think. If you'd like to have updates on my writing and such, feel free to come see me on tumblr! Details below the fic!
> 
> PLEASE NOTE: Do not repost my work anywhere. I do not give my permission.

You knew something was bothering him. It was as plain as the eyepatch on his face. Oh, he acted like he was fine, that everything was just business as usual for him, but you knew better. Even though you'd only known him a short time, you knew how to read Julian Devorak despite his self-proclaimed man of mystery vibe that he tried to give off with everyone else.

It started with Portia. You had dinner at her place to hide out from the guards before he could escape the palace grounds. A whimsical look appeared when he thought you and Portia weren't looking as he looked around at everything Portia had. Her cottage was so cozy and you could tell she was proud of it. Rightfully so. The gardens were beautiful as well. Portia had done so much with her little home.

Julian commented on her home and though he was happy for her along with being so very, very proud of his baby sister, he was holding something back. So you waited and you watched, seeing every forced smile and knowing something more lurked beneath the surface of that outwardly jovial appearance. Part of you wondered if you should mention anything given you truly hadn't known the man long, but it pained you to know that something was wrong.

Once Portia went to sleep for the night, citing an early day the following morning, the two of you were left alone with the stars and Pepi. He relaxed a bit once Portia was gone and even cuddled Pepi a bit. He wanted to stay a little longer. Soak up that feeling of normalcy and peace. You couldn't tell him no. It just wasn't possible.

He told you stories from his past and you listened avidly to every word, wanting to know more about this man and what made him the person he was. He was already so precious to you and the thought of him hanging… No, don't think about that. Not when he was relaxed beside you, staring up at the stars looking so beautiful that it made a deep ache settle in your chest.

When Julian fell silent, turning to you with a sheepish smile once he'd let Pepi run off, you brought a hand up to his cheek, his skin warm against your palm. Warmer still when he blushed, but he leaned into your touch as if he'd been craving it the entire time.

"Tell me what's wrong," you murmured, your thumb brushing over the soft skin of his cheek just beneath the eyepatch he habitually wore.

"Wrong? Er…what makes you think something's wrong, my dear? I'm enjoying a lovely evening with you. How could anything be wrong?" The false bravado returned and he wasn't meeting your gaze at all.

"Julian," you said, the one word quiet, but saying so much. Namely that you weren't buying the act, but you weren't chiding him either. You merely wanted to help him.

Julian sighed after a moment, his gaze lowering. He shook his head slightly, though not enough to dislodge your hand from his cheek. He even brought his hand up to cradle yours against his face in order to keep it there.

"Seems I can't pull the wool over your eyes, can I. Though I'd expect nothing less from one as clever as you." The compliment was given with a wry but sad smile when he finally looked at you.

"What's wrong?" You posed the question again, letting your thumb continue trailing its gentle path along his skin.

"Pasha's done so well for herself," Julian murmured, glancing toward the cottage and the gardens that surrounded it. "I'm so proud of her."

"She has done well. And she seems happy overall," you agreed, giving him a nod as you did so.

"Except for the fact that her brother's a wanted man and facing the gallows," he continued, biting his lower lip briefly. "I can't help feeling like I'm ruining this for her. And…"

He trailed off and you gave him a moment to let him gather his thoughts. The troubled expression that he finally allowed to be seen just made you want to hold him tightly and take him away from every problem he faced. It wasn't really plausible, but that didn't stop you from wanting to do whatever you could just to see him smile. Even if only for one moment.

"And…" He closed his eye when he finally spoke again, but his voice was quieter when he gave his admission. "I'm jealous." The shame was thick in his tone as well as the slump of his shoulders.

"Jealous?" You had a feeling you knew where he was going with it, but figured clarification couldn't hurt.

"Pasha has a good life. A normal life. And I want one." His hands reached for yours, clasping them like he was holding something precious. "I want a home. I want to wake up and go to work in my clinic without having to dodge the guards at every turn. I want to go through my day without the death of a man I despised hanging over my head and weighing me down.

"And I want to wake up every day beside you. Come home to you every evening. Fall asleep beside you every night. I want a normal life with you. One where my past won't haunt us and we can just live our lives together. And it's so hard to know that I can't have that. I know it hasn't been all that long since we met, but I want it. I want you." You could see the moisture gathering in his one visible eye and that was the last straw for you.

You closed the distance between the two of you, pulling him into your arms. Julian clung to you like a lifeline. You could feel the way your shirt was bunched at your back where he gripped it with both hands, his face pressed into your neck. You held him tightly, turning your head enough to softly kiss his auburn hair.

"Is it selfish?" His voice was unsteady, muffled against your neck, but you heard him clearly. "I ruin everything I touch. It's only a matter of time before I do the same thing to you. But I want that life so damned badly I can't stand it."

"It's not selfish," you said. Your own eyes were damp as you listened to him, but you didn't let the tears fall. Not when he needed you to stay strong for him even if he wouldn't admit it. Julian would insist that he had to be the strong one for you. That your feelings and well-being came first. Yet you weren't going to let him turn the tables this time. This time, it was all about him.

"How can it not be? You'll only end up getting hurt. It's not a life that I can have. I'm just not meant for it. I've screwed up too many things for it to even be a possibility." He sounded so dejected and he clung to you that much tighter when he spoke.

"You can have it," you insisted, your words causing him to look up at you. There was a wet patch on your shirt from where his tears had fallen, his face damp from them.

"No, I can't," he countered, shaking his head again, sounding utterly miserable.

"Yes, you can. And I'll do whatever is needed to make certain that you get it." You were adamant as you brought your hands up to frame his face, feeling the way he slumped into your touch and closed his eye. He remained silent, but it was clear that he didn't believe you.

"You can have it," you told him again, your voice a soft, soothing murmur, meant for just the two of you to hear and laced with sincerity. "You can have it, Ilya."

Your use of his given name had his breath hitching and you leaned in, pressing your lips to his in a soft, tender kiss. You made it linger, gentle and sweet, feeling the way he all but melted from it. He took the comfort that you offered, though you knew he'd likely find even that action selfish on his part.

"We'll find a way. We'll get the answers you need and put all of this chaos behind us. Then you'll have it," you promised him. Then he was the one to kiss you, his mouth firm against yours, his fingers buried in the soft strands of your hair, drinking up that promise and tucking it away, deep in his heart of hearts. You hoped that it gave him the strength to carry on when he needed it most.

There was a long and difficult road ahead, but you'd already come this far. You'd gladly go the distance if it meant you could give Julian Devorak the life he deserved.

**Author's Note:**

> Want to get updates on my writing? Come say hi on my social media. I’d love to hear from you! :)
> 
> [Twitter](http://www.twitter.com/BriMac0518)   
>  [tumblr](http://brimac0518.tumblr.com)   
>  [Instagram](http://instagram.com/brimac0518/)   
> 


End file.
